THE MOTHER OF ALL CHOCOLATE CAKES
»I was sitting at the table. We had finished dinner. We’re now having dessert. And we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you’re ever seen. […]. And I was given the message from the generals that the ships are locked and loaded. What do you do? And we made a determination to do. So the missiles were on the way.«– 12 April 2017, FOX News
»I’m a man of beauty. I love beauty. Beauty. Great thing. Always said that. Always said I love beauty. I love it. I really do. And this chocolate cake. It’s the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake. I tell you. You have never seen. You have never. Such a beautiful piece of chocolate cake. And I ate this beautiful piece of chocolate cake. And it was. Really. The most beautiful piece of chocolate cake. This piece of chocolate cake. And I have to be honest here. Because I’m an honest person. I’m the most honest person you know. I am. Ask my friends. I have lots of friends. Lots of friends. I do. Mike over there. Mike has been my friend for a long time. Long time. Long, long time. Mike. And Mike will tell you. I’m the most honest person. And I have to be honest here and tell you. And I tell you because I’m honest. I don’t have to tell you. I don’t. But I do. Because I want to. Because I’m honest. And I don’t lie.
That piece of chocolate cake.
Never lie. Never. No lies. So I tell you. That piece of chocolate cake. It was not the cheapest piece of chocolate cake. It was not. I’m not gonna lie. Not gonna lie. Not about chocolate cake. And If I’d had let’s say I’d had 16 million dollars. Just a number. 16 million. If I’d had that. Only I didn’t. I did not. Have that. Because. You could say. I had just blown it up. Hypothetically. Big bomb blow up. 16 million. You could say. Hypothetically. That I had just blown up 16 million dollars. You could say that. I don’t say that. My friends don’t say that. Because we don’t. No. We don’t. Because it doesn’t matter. Big bomb blow up. But it doesn’t matter. What people? What civilian people? I’m not talking about that.
All I’m saying is chocolate cake.
All I’m saying is chocolate cake. And what I’m saying is. If I’d had 16 million dollars. Which I didn’t. But if I had I could have bought chocolate cake for the whole city of Phoenix or Philadelphia. I could have. One piece of chocolate cake for every person, everyone, all men, and women too, and children. I love children. Always have. Children. Great people. And 16 million. One piece of chocolate cake for every person. Phoenix. Philadelphia. Now I didn’t say one piece of cake for every person in New York. I didn’t say New York. Because I don’t lie. And if I’d said cake for New York. I’d have lied. I would have. New York that’s 8 million people and Phoenix that’s 1.6 million people. Cake for New York. That would have been one big fat lie. Nasty lie. Nasty. If I’d said cake for New York, I’d have said bad cake for New York. Phoenix that would’ve been good cake. Philadelphia. Done. Good cake. Phoenix.
And I have good cake. I have the best cake.
Good cake. And I have good cake. I have the best cake. I want all of you. The people. To have good cake. Not New York. That would have been a lie. But Phoenix. Or Philadelphia. Good cake. Good cake. But I didn’t have the 16 million. Because I’d blown them up. But I don’t talk about that. Because nobody is interested. Nobody is interested in that. No.
Why didn’t you have 16 million to buy me chocolate cake.
I tell you. Nobody cares. Nobody asks: why didn’t you have 16 million to buy me chocolate cake. They don’t. Because they don’t care. Nobody asked me today. Or yesterday. And I think they would. If they cared. Yes, I have a few million. From the blow up. Yes, I had a little money coming back to me. From the blow up. Yes, it’s to do with shares and investments and when you blow up one thing that you invested in building, money comes back to you. I won’t say how much. Because I don’t want to. And that’s okay. People think that’s okay. My friends. Mike. He thinks it’s okay. And it’s okay. And I don’t wanna bore you. You don’t deserve being bored. And it will be boring. I promise. I promise you. And I always hold my promises. Not one person out there can say. That guy. Broke his promise. Broke it. Never did. Never broke my promise. True story.«